Monday, March 06, 2006

Friday’s Rain & more……

It was months since Bangalore was burning over 32 degrees everyday. Draamebaazi of people & politics, people trying to sneak their way out in traffic jams, Scorching sun didn’t seem to have mercy on any of those marketing executives who were struggling to meet their targets by selling that one extra credit card or probably give an unwanted demo of an Acquaguard water purifier to somebody who thinks it is a timepass or probaby has no plans of buying it, There were people who had just shifted to the city wondering if they accidentally landed up in Chennai, a couple of management grads who just graduated out of college looking for Jobs hoping to start a new life, a couple of them who had just shifted jobs with very little or zero balance in their accounts praying that the month would get over very fast & hoping that their bank balance would look much better. I saw struggle in them , a sense of uncertainty, Hope & confidence to sail across the troubled waters. Probably they wanted something that could ease them in some way.

It rained on Friday as if to cool the ground which witnessed all of this & was helpless……….It rained on Friday as if to cool them …..It rained on Friday as if to cool ME…..finally, I come to the point…..How selfish could I get? Did I have to take the bahana of all these people to say what I felt, did I have to look at Life through their eyes to see what was happening inside me ? Dunno , if I am selfish or not , but people have always amused me , so small a world & so different people…….I feel like a fool when I find people so different than what I thought they are, when I realize there’s more to them than what I thought they are, why do I ever get see that facet of their personality. Somebody tell them that it leaves me cheated of my belief on LIFE overall.

There’s this dear but not- so- dear friend of mine who says don’t carry anything with you , leave people & situations just as they are, you don’t have to let them leave an impression on you. But my Dear , how do we ever get to know LIFE if we didn’t let this happen. You will be surprised at the kind of people I have encountered, from all facets of life, all of whom I have let them have their way as I believe that I am nobody to bother with the way things ought to be in their lives. I am nobody to comment on their lifestyle, the way they dress, smile, how learned they are, how sophisticated they are or not. People who think it is getting Cliché might want to watch out, cos this never seems to be heard by anybody even though it has become the most rigged record that is playing around. All those college going teens, people hanging in the coffee bars, the typical call centre crowd all of them who feel guilty of being accused can take a chill pill as it is not only them , but also those sitting in the most sophisticated corporate offices who get to be ground by the gossip mongers or those who consider themselves the moral police of the society.

Why am I talking all this? may be to vent out my frustration against my new manager.
Who of all, while having a discussion on knowing each other on a cup of coffee that Barista served us ( coffee? only me , she had ginger tea!) gave some good feedback

About me professionally & personally. Why personal ? may be my mistake, cos I believe that a manager needs to know you well enough about you in order to assess your strengths & weakness’ in the right manner. Some bit of an advice is well taken as they do deserve some kind of respect for their age, experience in Life... ( that’s what our upbringing teaches us), but to act as if they are the ones who show you where you need to go & what you need to do…..mam’ give me a break. Well, unfortunately, I didn’t have this kind of an opinion about her , I was at the positive end till I heard her saying something negatively about me leaving my hair always . oh my god, how should that affect my work. Well, I don’t know about if me leaving my hair creates an impression with others but definitely what she said created an impression about her to me. If this is the kind of yardstick she has used to assess me, mam’ I would hardly see any value in nine other feedback that you have given me.

With this lost feeling grinding me all the way , caught up with a sweet friend of mine who just happen to be going through similar mindset, not exactly though. A sensible guy, who makes a gr8 colleague, a good friend (not close), he’s just no strings attached kind of person. Friday evening, ….bad mood bhi hai, Maahaul bhi hai, what else, took off with him to INOX, odd timings, didn’t find tickets, landed up into a screen which was screening Jim Carrey starrer “ Fun with Dick & Jane”, Hey , this one flick is such a reflection of the American Economy today, If it were to be analysed closely & related to people there man , it scares us. Have we taken all their jobs?

Wow! What a shift of mood, just the way the conversation shifted mera mood bhi relaxed. On our way back home in his car, with my American based company’s lap top waiting to capture all my experience of the Friday night fervour. What did we see ? , little drops of rain adorning the glass of the car. Oh my ! what a beauty ,, It was raining, the empty roads lit up & the drizzle that was embracing it , I can relate to this song that is running behind me now “ Jaage Jaage armaan hai, Jaage Jaage hum”……… He must have thought I am an emotional fool, crazy bird, But tell me how many people are lucky enough to do something like this, ease out after a lousy week of work, acting so artificial, put on an attitude that is not you…do things that don’t convince you just because it pays you. we were close to my house when I asked my Friend if we can take a walk in the rain, he must have loved to , but for some reason , he thought it was crazy. No complains, he let me smell the first rain kissed mud. How I wish I could stop the car there & went out drenched myself in the rain, looks like a filmi scene…..but, it is so lovely….Hmmmm…… brings you so close to nature, the truth, the reality, to yourself & God. I thank God for ressuring faith in Life, My friend was just the means, But I definitely thank God to connect me with such lovely people who share the same thoughts. Nazar na Lage, I am lucky !

Well my manager is again a Guinne pig to my analysis about people around me. Dunno , If they deserve the respect I give them, the love I shower on them….may be, may be not … Phir bhi… I console myself , do your bit …..the rest is not in your control.

“ Mein Zindagi ka saath nibhaata chalaa gaya, Har Fikr ko Dhue mein uda tha Chala gaya”…..

I woke up to a much cooler Bangalore in the morning, a much cooler me probably……….


Blogger Sree said...

hey i cant believe it! i wrote a post last evening on rain(which is still sitting cozy in my comp at home - nenne link irlilla!) n our thoughts have so much in common despite the difference in experience! will post it in the evening - Odi nODi:)
nice post...i got lost in details at points, but caught up soon once i gave up on details n caught on to the emotional string! good work babes, keep writing:)
i somewhere wait for a Kannada post by u - wud b lovely:)

9:19 PM  
Blogger Warrior poet said...

Hems, that was good....i really love the way you have painted the common thoughts running around..wah wah..really good and very honest...rain rain come again..lil hema wants to write again :)

10:31 PM  
Blogger Sant.. said...

Good post hema...I am not saying this just to praise you, but the thought of sharing ur beautiful experience is appreciable. Keep writing stuff and i am sure it would make us lighter & better when we share our feelings. As sree said I was also lost in the middle but cud get the overall write up again..

9:56 PM  

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